i'm feeling a little off now...
i tink i suck at touch rug and i dun even deserve to be in e list.mayb i'm jus some extra person that they need.
they gave out e excuse forms for e ivp today,apparently i'm a shadow player but my name is not on e list.
they said it was an oversight but den again even pp they haven't seen for ages are in the list.maybe they are right but den again mayb its teling me something.
in addition i jus screwed up trng today.i really didn't wan to go but i guess i went there jus to be a idiot.YES I'M A IDIOT.even simple steps like pass-switch-short pass-bump or dump, i couldn't get it into my head.i was playing blindly like a fool and that jus show how much i should jus quit and not be a liability to the team.
everyone has off days but den again i tink i had more off days than anyone else.and i feel so demoralised playing with them coz everyone is damn good,my mistake seem to magnify a million times.i was nothing but a barrier and a hindrance to them.
it wouldn't make a diff even if i quit.
i need to start thinking seriously if i should stay on and be ntu touch rug team stumbling block in everything.
and jus when i need some help in getting my morale up , i feel so ignored in everything.so tell me pp,wat the fuck am i to u?
jus a extra person?a loser that should quit?or jus some random person u tink tat is worth nothing?i dont feel needed at all,not by my frenz, not by e team and not by anything.
i never felt so down before
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I FINALLY MANAGED TO TAKE A BREATHER TO REFLECT!!!
2009 has been a shittity shittity yr and yet quite nice i suppose,bittersweet?
1.got a uber great injury on my thigh (still not ok yett)!
2.missed about half of sports camp...rawrrrrr.
3.got suspected h1n1
4.broke up with my bf like super early in e yr,and on 1st yr anniversary too!!!
5.Took up many jobs,like a redemption counter at a christmas candy house,relief teacher,sales for a watch company,sales at bridal veil,and temp taking.
the best gotta be e candy house job=)) and the worst,is a tie between a relief teacher and sales at watch company.THE FUCKING supervisor at e watch company was sooo loser-ish.like o my gawd
6.sprained my ankle,got a hell spur
7.HORRIBLE ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE FITNESS
8.weight gain of like 8kg??(and it still is clinging on to me)
9.became slightly alcoholic and depressive
10.made loads of frenz!!(which is great!but somehow sounds familiar-.-")
11.missed hall camp but yea i guess i still noe hall pp?
12.did caroling total AWESOMEZNESS
13.became a shadow player for touch rug,WHICH REALLY SUCKED!!!coz i dunno if my hall stay is confirm
14.my uncle died
15. my exams wonderfully FAILED
So there,a perfectly HORRIBLE 2009!!!
2009 has been a shittity shittity yr and yet quite nice i suppose,bittersweet?
1.got a uber great injury on my thigh (still not ok yett)!
2.missed about half of sports camp...rawrrrrr.
3.got suspected h1n1
4.broke up with my bf like super early in e yr,and on 1st yr anniversary too!!!
5.Took up many jobs,like a redemption counter at a christmas candy house,relief teacher,sales for a watch company,sales at bridal veil,and temp taking.
the best gotta be e candy house job=)) and the worst,is a tie between a relief teacher and sales at watch company.THE FUCKING supervisor at e watch company was sooo loser-ish.like o my gawd
6.sprained my ankle,got a hell spur
7.HORRIBLE ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE FITNESS
8.weight gain of like 8kg??(and it still is clinging on to me)
9.became slightly alcoholic and depressive
10.made loads of frenz!!(which is great!but somehow sounds familiar-.-")
11.missed hall camp but yea i guess i still noe hall pp?
12.did caroling total AWESOMEZNESS
13.became a shadow player for touch rug,WHICH REALLY SUCKED!!!coz i dunno if my hall stay is confirm
14.my uncle died
15. my exams wonderfully FAILED
So there,a perfectly HORRIBLE 2009!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
this two songs suddenly describe my feelings all of a sudden=) i shall leave it up to ur imagination
but then again these two shows the reality and yet the dream which of coz i rather have+)HAHAH
(teardrops on my guitar)
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
(love story)
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
but then again these two shows the reality and yet the dream which of coz i rather have+)HAHAH
(teardrops on my guitar)
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
(love story)
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I JUS LOST MYSELF!
HELLO!before i start....
EVERYONE IN SG WHO'S EATING MAC!before u order pls call me or sms me so to help me in my quest to collect my doraemon toy!!!its only 2 bucks with every purchase!
PLS PLS PLS!!!
ok now back to the present....THX CHERYLL AND HAZIQ AND QIUJING AND ALL FOR GETTING ME MY GIFT.
and now...to the golden embarassing moment! i tink it was wed,i was so emo for tat nite, i drank a little more than i could take and ended up some pp had a hard time taking care of me=((
now tat i'm sober again,i feel so ashamed!!!i tink i wont have e guts to talk to the twins face to face again...and plus now i'm seriously considering to go for e picnic at marina barrage coz i really dun wanna get caught in a awkward moment!!!like hey yo,u were like looking aft me when i was puking my ass off with my tummy burnt by alcohol.
oh man.was the first time i puked aft drinking relatively much.never want to puke EVER AGAIN.its like so painful when the alcohol hits my tummy...last time my tummy suffered so badly was 3 weeks ago.and even then i didn't puke!AND it didn't hurt so @$%&^@%^ much...
but really,i was a little upset tat nite.guess things that were kept inside me kinda built up.sighhh....
OMG CASS WHY DID U JUS MADE A FOOL OF URSELF INFRONT OF PP TAT U WEREN'T BEST BUDDIES WITH!!!rawr
its like back to prom nite where i couldn't even stand up and i said "i'm not drunk,i jus drank"
that was CLASSIC.hahahaha
but then again,i find myself finding i could drink more than in my jc days but yet less than when i first started heavy drinking...HMMM mayb its a sign.
i need someone to confide in,even when i'm drunk,i feel as tho the sad stuff keep coming back!aargh.its over alrdy,why does it still HURT me!!!
its over
its over!!!
i hope i never have to think about that incident again.It made me cried so much then,I hope it never will make me cry again...
Speaking of which, SHOULD I GO FOR E HALL OUTING???!!!
EVERYONE IN SG WHO'S EATING MAC!before u order pls call me or sms me so to help me in my quest to collect my doraemon toy!!!its only 2 bucks with every purchase!
PLS PLS PLS!!!
ok now back to the present....THX CHERYLL AND HAZIQ AND QIUJING AND ALL FOR GETTING ME MY GIFT.
and now...to the golden embarassing moment! i tink it was wed,i was so emo for tat nite, i drank a little more than i could take and ended up some pp had a hard time taking care of me=((
now tat i'm sober again,i feel so ashamed!!!i tink i wont have e guts to talk to the twins face to face again...and plus now i'm seriously considering to go for e picnic at marina barrage coz i really dun wanna get caught in a awkward moment!!!like hey yo,u were like looking aft me when i was puking my ass off with my tummy burnt by alcohol.
oh man.was the first time i puked aft drinking relatively much.never want to puke EVER AGAIN.its like so painful when the alcohol hits my tummy...last time my tummy suffered so badly was 3 weeks ago.and even then i didn't puke!AND it didn't hurt so @$%&^@%^ much...
but really,i was a little upset tat nite.guess things that were kept inside me kinda built up.sighhh....
OMG CASS WHY DID U JUS MADE A FOOL OF URSELF INFRONT OF PP TAT U WEREN'T BEST BUDDIES WITH!!!rawr
its like back to prom nite where i couldn't even stand up and i said "i'm not drunk,i jus drank"
that was CLASSIC.hahahaha
but then again,i find myself finding i could drink more than in my jc days but yet less than when i first started heavy drinking...HMMM mayb its a sign.
i need someone to confide in,even when i'm drunk,i feel as tho the sad stuff keep coming back!aargh.its over alrdy,why does it still HURT me!!!
its over
its over!!!
i hope i never have to think about that incident again.It made me cried so much then,I hope it never will make me cry again...
Speaking of which, SHOULD I GO FOR E HALL OUTING???!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
stormy with a hint of SADNESS
i tink those who studies at ntu knows wats gg on.its results day.
for once in my life,i'm not gg to complain saying that they aren't being fair coz some pp took mc to escape the exams while i dutifully went for all.For once i'm not gonna sit there and complain that i should have done beta and that i must have been SUPER ill on e day of the exam.
I. AM. TO. BLAME. FULLY.
all those nights of partying,playing, skipping lessons and all the while behaving as tho i'm still in jc with the mentality that i can always catch up.they contributed to this.
All my life i've been naughty,skipping classes,skipping lectures even for the simplest reasons like(i wanna eat) and then i had no choice but to play catch up.
why cant i be sensible and go for classes for once?be humble and listen to the teacher instead of gg 3 or 4 steps ahead?
i cant think straight now.Suddenly i jus feel so suffocated and angry with myself.disappointed?
mayb. disappointed that i couldn't catch up in time?yes.Angry that i'm still holding on to the play-first-study-later mentality? YES.
now i tink of e guy who said i was stupid and cant possibly score well.Well maybe he's rite.but den he's e guy who mc-ed a subj and den S/U another subject.I may cry tat its unfair for him to compare with me considering my workload is so much heavier.But then,i cant deny that i can also choose to do the same.tat infact,i'm really jus a stupid idiot blob!
AAAAAARGGGGHHHHHH.suddenly a sense of deja vu.its the exact same scenario as A levels.
kill me pls
for once in my life,i'm not gg to complain saying that they aren't being fair coz some pp took mc to escape the exams while i dutifully went for all.For once i'm not gonna sit there and complain that i should have done beta and that i must have been SUPER ill on e day of the exam.
I. AM. TO. BLAME. FULLY.
all those nights of partying,playing, skipping lessons and all the while behaving as tho i'm still in jc with the mentality that i can always catch up.they contributed to this.
All my life i've been naughty,skipping classes,skipping lectures even for the simplest reasons like(i wanna eat) and then i had no choice but to play catch up.
why cant i be sensible and go for classes for once?be humble and listen to the teacher instead of gg 3 or 4 steps ahead?
i cant think straight now.Suddenly i jus feel so suffocated and angry with myself.disappointed?
mayb. disappointed that i couldn't catch up in time?yes.Angry that i'm still holding on to the play-first-study-later mentality? YES.
now i tink of e guy who said i was stupid and cant possibly score well.Well maybe he's rite.but den he's e guy who mc-ed a subj and den S/U another subject.I may cry tat its unfair for him to compare with me considering my workload is so much heavier.But then,i cant deny that i can also choose to do the same.tat infact,i'm really jus a stupid idiot blob!
AAAAAARGGGGHHHHHH.suddenly a sense of deja vu.its the exact same scenario as A levels.
kill me pls
Sunday, December 27, 2009
HI DARRLINGS!!
i really love tis blog coz no one reads it!!!HAHAHA
but then again,I'M SO ANGRYYYYY...
sigh i spend 22 bucks to cab from wengchee's house to sch yester coz there's trng this morn!but den my flu got so much worser that i couldn't go trng=((((
damn it,i was really looking forward to it coz its e last trng before pp go off to aussie
speaking of weng chee bdae parrty,i tink his galfriend is sooooo CUTE!!! she's like super shy and all.HAHAHA
damn cute!
Anw my ex tells me tat his fren saw me playing hall games yester!WOW!apparently e reason was coz i look super like her fren(okayy, i didn't noe i look so common=> mayb like filipino)
lol
but in any case...MAYBE i'm FAMOUS=)))hahaha
yester hockey games really showed me how DAMN big a BLOODY hockey court is.ITS SO HUGE LA!EVEN MY TOUCH RUG FIELD IS NOT SO HUGE!!!mannnn,i missed 3 trng alrdy.coach must be hopping madd=((
but then again,i'm jus a lousy shadow player=( feel so unimportant la.u get wat i mean?like as tho i die oso e team dun nid me...HAHA.speaking of which i'm not really bonded to the team too.mayb last time even if i suffered a heart attack,i'll still go trng coz got e crazy touch rug frens i'll love to stick ard with...now its jus like some one man show.
well,things change and i must adapt.in the past,friendship was wat kept the passion burning(even if we lost,we were still damn happy).Now,its the responsibility to keep the winning title and the want to improve myself.APPARENTLY.but honestly,sometimes i lose focus coz i feel so lonely(not that i should be feeling tat)=(
not that the team is bad or wat,EVERY GAL IS A STAR. its jus that our focus is shifted elsewhere.
anw,during the IH games yester i accidentally whack a guy so hard with a hockey ball he yelled.MAN I'M REALLY SORRY.he jus said "i tink i noe u!u're from sports camp one!"
which is true
but i couldn't react properly coz i was tinking:
1)OH MAN SO SORRY TO HIT U!!!
2)OH YEA HOW U NOE I FROM SPORTS CAMP HUH?COZ I NVR SEE U BEFORE
which means if i spoke it would sund like tis:
"OH SORRY YEA SORRY HOW SORRY U SORRY NOE SORRY I SORRY FROM SORRY SPORTS SORRY CAMP SORRY HUH?SORRY COZ SORRY I SORRY NVR SORRY SEE SORRY U SORRY BEFORE"
which will obviously show that i'm a BIMBO.HAHAHA.but i jus act dao coz i rather act dao than to act bimbo=)hee hee
so erm to e guy (which prob wont read this)I'M REALLY SORRY!!!
i really love tis blog coz no one reads it!!!HAHAHA
but then again,I'M SO ANGRYYYYY...
sigh i spend 22 bucks to cab from wengchee's house to sch yester coz there's trng this morn!but den my flu got so much worser that i couldn't go trng=((((
damn it,i was really looking forward to it coz its e last trng before pp go off to aussie
speaking of weng chee bdae parrty,i tink his galfriend is sooooo CUTE!!! she's like super shy and all.HAHAHA
damn cute!
Anw my ex tells me tat his fren saw me playing hall games yester!WOW!apparently e reason was coz i look super like her fren(okayy, i didn't noe i look so common=> mayb like filipino)
lol
but in any case...MAYBE i'm FAMOUS=)))hahaha
yester hockey games really showed me how DAMN big a BLOODY hockey court is.ITS SO HUGE LA!EVEN MY TOUCH RUG FIELD IS NOT SO HUGE!!!mannnn,i missed 3 trng alrdy.coach must be hopping madd=((
but then again,i'm jus a lousy shadow player=( feel so unimportant la.u get wat i mean?like as tho i die oso e team dun nid me...HAHA.speaking of which i'm not really bonded to the team too.mayb last time even if i suffered a heart attack,i'll still go trng coz got e crazy touch rug frens i'll love to stick ard with...now its jus like some one man show.
well,things change and i must adapt.in the past,friendship was wat kept the passion burning(even if we lost,we were still damn happy).Now,its the responsibility to keep the winning title and the want to improve myself.APPARENTLY.but honestly,sometimes i lose focus coz i feel so lonely(not that i should be feeling tat)=(
not that the team is bad or wat,EVERY GAL IS A STAR. its jus that our focus is shifted elsewhere.
anw,during the IH games yester i accidentally whack a guy so hard with a hockey ball he yelled.MAN I'M REALLY SORRY.he jus said "i tink i noe u!u're from sports camp one!"
which is true
but i couldn't react properly coz i was tinking:
1)OH MAN SO SORRY TO HIT U!!!
2)OH YEA HOW U NOE I FROM SPORTS CAMP HUH?COZ I NVR SEE U BEFORE
which means if i spoke it would sund like tis:
"OH SORRY YEA SORRY HOW SORRY U SORRY NOE SORRY I SORRY FROM SORRY SPORTS SORRY CAMP SORRY HUH?SORRY COZ SORRY I SORRY NVR SORRY SEE SORRY U SORRY BEFORE"
which will obviously show that i'm a BIMBO.HAHAHA.but i jus act dao coz i rather act dao than to act bimbo=)hee hee
so erm to e guy (which prob wont read this)I'M REALLY SORRY!!!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Ramblings of a battle weary girl
Haven't been blogging for very long but then again my life hasn't been exactly exciting!
Haven'y met my mentor so it means i cantCANT SEE MY EXAM RESULTS on the 30th!wat a disaster,should have thought of that before trying to add smart and ignoring my mentor.
but then again,wat kinda stupid rule is that?
i mean wat if the foreigners are in china and msia how?
fly back to see e mentor?
Anyway,i tink i really hafta say this! i eel tat keeping quiet is so hardd! how can anyone keep so much inside them without bursting?i've been feeling a little tired and weary of jus trying and trying.But then again,i'm a whiny gal so i am really HONESTLY trying my best to stop my incessant whining.
But anw christmas is a blast! other than the irritating nagging of my parents i finally get to rest after all my recent parties.Guess i've been playing a little hard..
but.honestly.i'm.trying.to.stop.
give
me
time
anyone wanna go drink or club anytime soon,drop me a msg=))
Haven'y met my mentor so it means i cantCANT SEE MY EXAM RESULTS on the 30th!wat a disaster,should have thought of that before trying to add smart and ignoring my mentor.
but then again,wat kinda stupid rule is that?
i mean wat if the foreigners are in china and msia how?
fly back to see e mentor?
Anyway,i tink i really hafta say this! i eel tat keeping quiet is so hardd! how can anyone keep so much inside them without bursting?i've been feeling a little tired and weary of jus trying and trying.But then again,i'm a whiny gal so i am really HONESTLY trying my best to stop my incessant whining.
But anw christmas is a blast! other than the irritating nagging of my parents i finally get to rest after all my recent parties.Guess i've been playing a little hard..
but.honestly.i'm.trying.to.stop.
give
me
time
anyone wanna go drink or club anytime soon,drop me a msg=))
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