Hi to whoever who's still reading this blog, gimme a shoutout!

Was looking through my blog entries from the old blog...And i came to a conclusion that i was really really mean. I cant believe some of the things i said about yu shan and all. Granted, i was so mad but to curse her till the extent....

Well, friendships are meant to go through trials, i guess. I honestly missed alot of my friends, like cheryll, shakira, angela, haziq,zul,sherling etc and they were at the back of my mind all the time even though i dont say it... Well, we've all grown apart which is really sad. To think i once saw a future with us still hanging out together everyday of our lives. Cheryll and i eating hokkien mee, playing bball with ira and yosin, joking around with angela and shakira... What diverse routes our lives have taken huh? Thinking back to the days in JC, where i was always perpetually mean to cheryll and was just happy being around with the usual clique of angela,zul ,shakira,cheryll,sherling,qiujing...

Well, this is sad. I'm still in regular contact with shakira and angela(aided by the numerous postcards! =D) but sadly i've stopped talking to cheryll for quite some time. Really, what happened? We used to be so close in JC and do stupid things together. What happened? Well, i used to see a future with us 4 meeting up regularly with our kids in tow... and the guys from class fooling around. Now the future lacked cheryll but i still see shakira and angela...

Haha I'm sorry guys. I took so long to grow up compared to you guys. I'm sorry i was so mean and rude and selfish in the past. I'm sorry everyone of you had to go through that tempest of a storm with my temper problems. I'm sorry that i didn't put in effort to remain in contact. I'm sorry if my pride stopped me from saying how much i really treasure you guys. I'm sorry for everything.

Seems like certain things were too late to patch up but all i can do is to march on. I guess its true. Travelling forces you to grow up.

At first USA, i was still a kid. I was around Singaporeans, friends and took everything for granted. Yes i was selfish and mean. But honestly, my pride and temper was the killer. Even when i felt sorry , i wouldn't open my mouth because i refuse to admit it. Friendships were at stake. everything were at stake. Yet i wouldn't say anything.

Then France. France was the main reason i grew. So much so much. Having to travel alone at times. Admittedly i didn't get along with alot of people. I realised i dont get along with people from singapore very well. It was really strange because , when i was with the europeans, i lost my temper alot lesser and was alot happier. And when i did lose my temper, they knew how to calm me down. And they understood the unspoken words in my heart. That i was really sorry and guilty. France was easily the happiest time of my life. Thanks to my european friends, i've grown alot more mature and able to handle negative points.

And i realised something more. For everytime that i lost my temper and got angry, it is not necessarily my fault. Because sometimes the other party is fucked up. and it just so happens that the people with fucked up characters are singaporeans. Hence, i get angry alot more with them. Europeans were really nice people.

Now i can differentiate when i'm being unreasonable when i lost my temper and when i HAVE a right to be mad. And thats a huge improvement. Because people dont piss me off as easily, i've become more tolerant, or so i think.

Even though my poisonous mouth needs some work, i dont intend to change that. Because the people that manage to make me so pissed off now that i will use those evil words/sentences on them , deserve it. Because my tolerance has improved alot.

Finally Montreal! Well as usual, i met singaporeans that came from sg and germany DIRECTLY  for the same internship .And as usual, we dont get along very well, thanks to certain really disturbing characteristics.

Well the more i think about it, Singaporeans character and attitude in general (just generalising, like maybe 70% of sg pp that i know, by no means accurate) needs some serious work. I hardly lost my temper when i was hanging out with the europeans but with singaporeans, the things they do, the attitude they have and the thinking they have, gets on my nerves.

Selfish, irresponsible,inability to make proper decisions, no strong opinion, grudge-holding etc is just the tip of the iceberg. Like over the range of people i saw around the globe, somehow sg pp has the most xia suay mentality. I dont know why. Maybe i just got the weird ones or maybe its me.

I dont deny. I have such mentalities too but i'm trying actively to correct them. The most irritating thing about such pp is that they are really annoying but they dont bother to correct it and still think they are correct.Its annoying. Just for example, i'm not holding grudges, just mainly for example sake,like how when common things you share run out, you have to inform the rest and get it replaced asap. They will keep quiet and its real irritating coz when you're about to use it then its like TA-DAH! its finished.

And they actually get mad at you if you tell them to say it the next time.(okay i said it in a really irritated tone but then i have a right to be pissed!) Like wow, great way to take criticism dude, you need to brush up on social skills. Its really simple. When things ran out in France, Rowena(my german roomie that i love so much) would tell me and ask me to get them on the way home, if i have the time. And i would just agree and get it. and there's never any bad blood. Like when i'm too noisy, rowena would tell me to keep it low, and me vice versa. We dont have problems getting along, infact we cook together, watch movies together, dyed our hair together and hang out basically 24/7 .

Admittedly my temper was not the best but even when i was unreasonable, rowena never took it to heart. Same for me. Same for Anja(my irish friend that i love so dearly). Thats why we're such great friends. Like i know anja has got a fiery temper. So everytime she's mad, i try to calm her down. Even though it may not be my fault, i'll still take the blast. After everything's over, we turn to each other and apologise and thats it , case closed, best friends as ever.

Thats the attitude Singaporeans lack. The ability to not hold grudges. And they think their jokes are funny when its not,it borders between insulting and lame.I dont see any european guys make jokes out of insults, their jokes are REAL jokes.Like , okay sg guys, nice try at jokes, but fuck you, its an insult and i'm not stupid enough to laugh along. Geez get some lessons in jokes and oh at how to be a gentleman at the same time. You desperately need it.I dont know. I think i've changed alot.

Because i'm finally in control of my life.

I KNOW what i deserve. I KNOW what i'm worth. I KNOW who are losers and deserve to be on the receiving end of my temper blast.